Threats to the American Spirit

The United States of America was not built by people who cut in line or left their shopping cart in the parking lot to drift aimlessly into your car door. It was built by people who hold the door open for those behind them, look you in the eye as they shake your hand firmly, and understand that a great nation is not built by a few monumental achievements alone, but by the sum of thousands of small decencies practiced by individuals each day.

The Department of Knife Hands recognizes that not every threat arrives with weapons and in uniform, some arrive in sweatpants at the express checkout with a full cart. These threats do not make the evening news. They do not require congressional hearings or declarations of war. They require something far more personal: small acts of defiance in the face of indecency, practiced by individual citizens of this great nation through the quiet application of societal pressure.

Together, we can defeat these threats to the American Spirit and restore this nation to a society of politeness, decency, and optimism for the future. These threats require you.

- Nick Steinbrecher, Secretary of Knife Hands

Speaker Phone in Public

DOKH-TAS-0001     Identified 18FEB2026

Subjecting fellow citizens to involuntarily listening in on your private conversation is a clear indication of ones inability to read social cues. This is decidedly un-American and frankly, annoying.

Failure to use Turn Signal

DOKH-TAS-0002 Identified 18FEB2026

Failing to properly signal when turning is not only dangerous but it is a basic failure to communicate intent. A failure to communicate intent demonstrates a lack of decisiveness and being indecisive is un-American. 

Leaving Shopping Cart in Parking Lot

DOKH-TAS-0003 Identified 18FEB2026

The shopping cart test is the litmus test for good character. There is no law requiring an individual to return a cart. There is no authority watching. There is only the individual, the cart and the short walk to the nearest corral. Abondoning the cart represents a complete break down of the social contract. It is the declaration that a minor inconvience outweighs collective order. Returning the cart to its appropriately designated place is not only the right thing to do, it is the American thing to do.   

Limp Handshakes

DOKH-TAS-0004 Identified 18FEB2026

A limp handshake either indicates weakness of character or weakness of  hands. Neither is acceptable.  A limp handshake is not an American handshake.

Failure to Hold Door Open

DOKH-TAS-0005 Identified 18FEB2026

Holding the door open is a simple, kind gesture and a common courtesy. Holding a door is not convient for the holder and is a very small, but real personal sacrifice. Failing to hold open a door indicates a lack of selflessness and concern for fellow Americans. This is behavior is unacceptable and un-American. 

Driving Slowly in the Left Lane

DOKH-TAS-0006 Identified 18FEB2026

Why? Just why? Un-American.

*The Department of Knife Hands is a private business and is not affiliated with any United States government entity.